after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
