Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
thus making me awesome and them whores
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
