You're completely useless in the revolution.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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