420 ftw
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
