This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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