man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
