did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
