You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
