We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
