Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize