I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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