At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
