i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
