Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
