totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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