PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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