So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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