Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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