I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
