she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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