I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
