its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize