He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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