just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
