I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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