The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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