i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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