I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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