So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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