go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
