Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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