She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
