It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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