does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
