So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize