with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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