He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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