well I can't set my house on fire every night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
