i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dignity is for republicans.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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