i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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