I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
