i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
