I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
