he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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