The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize