he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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