dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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