i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
