i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
