Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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