I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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