i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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