well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
