Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
