I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
FUCK WHALES
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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