he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
