she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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