woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
