Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
