my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
