$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My pussy is not your playground.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
