Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
