all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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