I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
