God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
