Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
