Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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