Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
