Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
