I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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