I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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