he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
not ubering you a puppy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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