just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
