Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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