My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
