Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
