I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i out mim tonsoeep
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
