I need help removing her.
if only i could text you this smell
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
