The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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