Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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