just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
