she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
