First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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