You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
